Here are the key takeaways from Vinh Giang’s interview on The Diary Of A CEO ("This Speaking Mistake Makes People Dislike You"):
1. Communication Is a Learnable Skill
- Confidence and communication are skills, not innate gifts. Anyone can become a great communicator by practicing and learning new behaviors, typically seeing radical change in 3–6 months if they commit.
2. The Five Core Foundations of Vocal Delivery
- Melody: Varying your pitch makes your voice more memorable and engaging.
- Rate of Speech: Slow down for emphasis; speed up for energy and charisma. Average conversational speech is 150–180 words per minute.
- Volume: Adjust volume for effect—getting louder or softer at key moments. Low volume often signals shyness, while too much can seem arrogant if not balanced.
- Emotion/Tonality: Your facial expressions and body help carry emotion through your voice. Move your face and use gestures to unlock more emotional tone.
- Pause: Strategic pauses intensify emotion and give listeners time to process what was said.
3. Body Language and Presence
- Hand gestures should be made in the “power sphere”—between your belly button and eyes—to convey confidence and authority.
- Standing or expanding your posture increases your physical presence, making interruptions less likely and communication more compelling.
4. Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
- The way you speak is not “fixed” or “natural”—it’s a set of habits often unknowingly copied from childhood role models.
- Changing your voice or style may feel “fake” at first, but it’s simply unfamiliar. Use “neutral ears” (strangers without preconceived notions of you) to practice new behaviors safely.
5. Techniques for Improvement
- Use record-and-review: Record yourself, watch back, identify clutter words, body language tics, and areas to improve. Repeat weekly, focusing on one skill at a time (Kaizen—relentless improvement).
- Get transcripts to see unnecessary rambling and filler words.
- Desensitize yourself to your own voice and image through repetitions and play.
6. Practical Conversation Tools
- For small talk and building connection: Try “Halo Buffalo” (share a high, a low, and a buffalo—something interesting) to generate threads for deeper conversations.
- The “FORD” acronym for deeper conversation: Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams.
- Mirror and match the foundational communication style (not just body language, but also vocal tone and energy) of those you’re speaking with to build rapport.
7. Handling Criticism and Difficult Conversations
- Use “yes, and” instead of “yes, but” to build on feedback rather than being defensive or dismissive.
- Prime group conversations or meetings to reduce interruption—announce you’d like to share your idea before inviting feedback.
- In dealing with bullies or criticism, diffusing with humor and acceptance (“yes, and”) often disarms negativity.
8. Video Calls and Modern Contexts
- On Zoom or virtual meetings, use external cameras, mics, and lighting for professionalism.
- Show more of yourself (torso visible) for dynamic presence and access to gestures.
- Be generous with energy–it matters even more online.
9. Cultural Sensitivity
- Adapt communication style to cultural contexts to avoid mismatches in expectation and reaction.
10. Broader Mindset
- Don’t let your or others’ ideas about your “identity” trap you in the same patterns—be open to changing how you present yourself.
- Generosity in communication (with time, money, and especially energy) creates connections and opportunities.
11. Influence and Application
- Influence requires effort—the “work” of practicing these techniques is worthwhile if you seek to change how you’re perceived and increase your personal and professional impact.
- Apply knowledge with action—avoid the “acquisition cycle” where you consume tips but don’t put them into practice.
12. Personal Lessons
- Vinh’s story: He went from bullied, introverted kid unable to communicate, to a professional speaker. His family background and personal journey illustrate how communication can genuinely transform one’s reality and opportunities.
If you’d like a more concise summary or want the essential “mistake” that makes people dislike you, let me know!